


If it's all the same to you (it's the same to me)

by CrimsonBitch



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Hanscom Loves Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh Loves Ben Hanscom, Bittersweet Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fashion Designer Beverly Marsh, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Poet Ben Hanscom, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28079175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonBitch/pseuds/CrimsonBitch
Summary: Leaving Ben to go to school in New York was one of the hardest choices Bev had ever had to make. Showing up on his doorstep every winter, however, was the easiest thing in the world. Bev had never been good at letting go.A look at the process of moving on, based on "'tis the damn season" by Taylor Swift
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom/Original Female Character(s), Beverly Marsh/Tom Rogan, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 5





	If it's all the same to you (it's the same to me)

Bev slumped over in the driver’s seat of her car, alternating between biting the hangnail on her thumb and taking long drags off the cigarette hanging out the window. It was freezing, but she didn’t want the car to stink too badly. 

The farmhouse sitting at the end of the path seemed to be almost glowing golden in the heavy snow and the fog of the windshield. She felt warmer simply from looking at it, but it wasn’t enough to placate the relentless coil of anxiety in her gut. All the times she had dropped in on Ben in the past, it had never been this nerve-wracking. 

When they were in middle school, it had felt like they were going to be together forever. In high school, they had still managed to stay blissfully ignorant up until halfway through senior year. It wasn’t until she had received a letter in the mail, confirming her acceptance to her dream fashion school in New York that she showed up at his house in tears. 

He had held her, and reassured her that they’d be okay even though he was going to UMaine. Neither of them even brought up the idea of a long distance relationship. 

“Besides” He said, “We’ve been together for so long, it’ll probably be healthy to figure out who we are as people” 

“But I don’t want to  _ not _ be with you” She choked on a sob, burying her face in his neck yet again. That night was really the worst of it, and they had agreed to spend the last of their time together making the most of everything, instead of focusing on the big and terrifying inevitable. 

Like all terrifying inevitables, however, the day that her aunt had to drop her off on campus rolled around eventually. The two of them had spent nearly every night together that summer, tracing fingers over each other’s chests and dreaming about alternate universes where this endless summer really didn’t have to end. 

They kept in touch at first, but they both got caught up in college life. On top of this, they didn’t know how to be friends. When you’ve been with someone for so long, you don’t know how to see them as anything other than a lover. By November, Ben was focused on every opportunity and friend and campus group he had never had in highschool. His heartbreak was healing healthily. Bev was having fun, and had figured out how to compartmentalize the gaping hole in her heart. For her, it was less about healing and more about scabbing over the wound. 

By December, they weren’t talking. 

This was only, of course, until Christmas break. Bev had tried her hardest to ignore the feeling tugging at her heart. She made Christmas cookies with her aunt and hung out with some of the Losers, and still found herself that night, two towns over, standing on Ben’s doorstep wringing her fingers nervously. 

This started their yearly tradition. They didn’t talk all year, but every Christmas break, Bev would inevitably show up at his house. 

That first year, there were tears and shouting and unspooling coils of feelings. They were angry and bitter and overwhelmingly hormonal, but the few months apart hadn’t been enough to smooth over their jagged edges, which still fit together like the world's most complicated puzzle. Somewhere between the tears and the yelling, Ben’s hand found Bev’s cheek, and kissed her so roughly she forgot what she had been saying. When she slipped out the door the next morning, she pressed a kiss to his sleeping forehead. He didn’t call her like she thought he might. 

The second year was harder. He was trying to rebound from a girl that dumped him at the end of the semester, and Bev was trying to rid herself of a nasty crush on her roommate’s boyfriend. It was honestly kind of awkward, until he broke out a bottle of jack, and turned on the radio. Before she knew it, she was waking up naked in his bed, and he was downstairs making pancakes. They barely talked over breakfast. They left it with a stilted goodbye, both wondering what had happened to the world famous chemistry that had kept them together for most of their childhoods. 

The third year, Bev thought they might actually make it through the night without fucking. They maturely talked about everything happening. Ben was publishing a collection of poetry, and had a casual girlfriend by the name of Marjorie. Bev had been invited to a semester abroad by a designer in France, and if it went well it could lead up to a cushy career at their offices in LA. Half-way through the movie Ben had put on, however, Bev felt his hand creep onto her thigh, and she didn’t even pretend to protest before swinging a leg over and straddling him.

Their senior year, it was easier than it had ever been. Ben was single and Bev was engaged to Tom who she had met in France. Regardless, she didn’t stop Ben from kissing her the minute she opened the door. They caught up in between heated kisses and love bites. Bev was dismayed to realize how much she had missed Ben’s large hands, touching her in ways that her soon-to-be husband could never. They were taking a quick break after the second round when Ben rolled over to face her. 

“I’m moving back up around here when I graduate. Plenty of room if you ever felt like coming back” 

This was what Bev had feared he was going to say. As much as she would love to stay here in his unbelievably warm bed forever, she knew that she had her own plans. “Tom and I are moving to LA in August” She recited mechanically, not looking at him. 

The Ben she knew forever ago would’ve fought her on it, combatting her pessimism with his romantic idealism. The man in front of her, however, clearly had better things to do than restlessly chase a woman who could never settle down with him. Ben nodded resolutely, and that’s when Bev knew this would be the last time she came over.

That’s what she always thought, of course, but now she was helping her aunt pack up to move to Florida eight years later, and there was one place she knew she had to visit before she said goodbye to Derry forever. 

Now, she was sitting in a parked car on the dirt road leading to Ben’s house. She was glad it was snowing so heavily, because otherwise he’d probably be creeped out by the stalled car that had been sitting on his property for twenty minutes. 

Finally she gathered the nerves to get out of the car, the pit of dread in her stomach getting deeper with every step she took towards the dark brown door. Finally she stubbed out her cigarette and knocked. 

Her blood was rushing in her ears as she heard shuffling from the inside. When the door finally opened, her heart stopped completely. Considering how scared she was to see him again, the sense of calm that overcame her when she set eyes on his face shocked her. 

He opened the door in a hurry, looking adorably rumpled in a pair of grey sweatpants and a T-shirt that Bev is pretty sure he’s had since she knew him. His hair was longer, and he was sporting a fair amount of scruff and fine lines around his eyes. His eyes seemed harder than they had when Bev saw him last, but his caring nature was still plainly obvious. 

She knew she looked different, with shoulder length hair and more defined cheekbones. Her bouncy curls had grown out into defined waves. She was taller and skinnier, and not shocked that it took a minute before his eyes dimmed with recognition. 

“Bev?”

“Hey” She whispered. Her heart sank when he didn’t move to let her in. 

“What are you doing here? It’s been what, almost ten years?” 

“Yeah” Bev said weakly. She hadn’t expected a warm welcome, but the blatant hostility was unnerving. He silently waited for her to answer his question, any remnants of his childhood awkwardness clearly gone. “My Aunt’s moving to Florida” She said quickly, “And after that I’ll have no reason to ever return to Derry. I’m just supposed to be helping her pack, but I couldn’t leave without…” she trailed off.

“Saying goodbye?” he supplied, some of the hostility melting away from his features. 

She nodded, and he hesitated before stepping backwards. She unwrapped her scarf and took her hat off, but her jacket stayed on as she stood in his doorway. He gestured his head in the direction of a cozy kitchen. She sat down at the island while he got two beers out of the fridge. He popped the caps and sat next to her. 

“It’s funny,” He started, after a moment of silence, “I’ve spent so long planning what I would say if I ever saw you again. Now I can’t remember any of it” 

“Yeah, me too” Bev nodded, taking a long sip of her beer. “I’ve thought about showing up a million times, but it never felt right” 

“I mean fuck, Bev. I was so angry for so long”

“Yeah, I get it, becau-”

“No, you don’t” Ben said, his voice rising ever so slightly, “You don’t because everytime you came you got to traipse back down to fuckin’ New York, and I was sat here thinking ‘Goddamit, how do I get caught up in her every single time!’”

“It’s not like you weren’t willing, Ben. I happen to remember you mentioning a girlfriend while your head was between my thighs!”

“Last time you came you didn’t even take the engagement ring off before wrapping your hand around my cock!” 

“Well” she said, holding up a ringless hand, “Maybe your dick cursed it or something”

The comment startled a laugh out of him, some of the anger on his features crumbling. 

“He found out that diamond had been places he didn’t wanna know about?”

“Nah” Bev said, forcing herself to take a deep breath, “I left him a few months ago” 

“Another woman?” 

“Among other things” Bev said, remembering mornings where she had to layer concealer so their associates couldn’t see the bruises staining her skin. 

“Well if it makes you feel better, that girl turned out to be a bitch”

“It doesn’t” 

The two sat in silence for a while. Every once in a while Bev sneaked a glance at the blonde man on her right. There was a time she could tell exactly what Ben was thinking just by looking at him. There was a time he could look at her and know exactly which of her smiles were real. Now it was like looking at a complete stranger. 

“You know,” She started, knowing full well that she was veering into dangerous territory, “This is usually the part where we start making out”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I suppose it is.”

“Once more? For old times sake?” 

He took a deep breath shaking his head. 

“Bev I-... I’m engaged” 

Bev’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Ben wasn’t the type for fast-paced, passionate engagements like she was. If he was really engaged, it was for the long haul. 

Logically, she knew that he wasn’t just sitting up in Maine, waiting for her to come back. It still hurt to hear proof. She wondered if his fiance looked like her at all, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted her to. 

“What’s her name” 

“Catherine” He said, pulling out his phone. He turned it on to reveal his home screen, which was him with his arm around a beautiful brunette woman at a bar, both looking buzzed and very much in love. Bev decided that she wished the woman was a redhead. 

“She’s pretty”

“I love her. A lot”

“Almost as much as you love me?” Bev said, half joking and half desperate. 

“I don’t love you” He says sincerely, “Not like that, anyways. I don’t think I have for a long time. I loved you more than anything for so long, then that festered over and turned into anger, and then the anger fizzled away”

“Oh” Bev said, feeling almost betrayed by the effortless way he simplified the mess that was their relationship. “For me I kind of tried my best to ignore the pain at first, and then I just suppressed it. I just started seeing a therapist after Tom, but we haven’t really gotten to  _ this _ yet” She said, motioning a hand between herself and Ben. 

He nodded, taking a deep breath. “I wrote about it. Hell, that first winter after college when I knew you weren’t coming back, I holed myself away and filled up two whole journals with poems about everything that had happened. I recently got in touch with an editor, and we’re going to try and publish some of them. When things got serious with Cat, I went to explain it all to her, and I think I had processed it more than I had realized”

“That’s good” Bev said quietly, “I think I’ve been distracting myself from thinking about it because I never really… got over it, you know? My perception of myself is all screwed up because of my dad and everything, so a big part of me still sees myself as I was in middle school and you’re undoubtedly a part of that version of me”

“Yeah, you’re a part of me too. We were too close for too long to not have impacted each other so deeply. I think where we went wrong was assuming that the other never changed. What was a really healthy relationship became a pit of mutual destruction, and we both kept draggin’ each other in”

“Let’s be honest,” Bev said with a rueful smile, “I did most of the dragging. I was desperate to hold on to one of the only things in my life that’s ever made sense, because without it I felt lost” 

“I knew what you were doing, and I went with it. No matter what happened, though, I never once thought that you actually didn’t care, or that you had any genuinely bad intentions”

With this, Bev felt a wave of relief wash over her body. Subconsciously, she had managed to convince herself that she was always going to be the bad one. Tom certainly didn’t help that notion with the crap he yelled at her. Ben tended to see the best in people, but he was also not a liar. If he didn’t think Bev was evil, she could hopefully begin to believe she wasn’t all that bad. 

“You mind if I smoke in here?” she asked, draining the last of the beer out of her bottle. 

“Only if you’re sharing” 

She looked at him, playfully scandalized. “Since when do you smoke, Hanscom?”

“Only when I’m stressed. Cat would murder me if she ever found out”

“And where is the future Mrs. Hanscom, anyways?”

“Business trip”

Bev realized dissonantly that it was weird to joke about him with another woman. It didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would, but then again it also didn’t hurt as much as the blush that rose to his cheeks when she called her that. Another nail in Bev’s coffin. 

The lighthearted nature of the conversation continued as they discussed the happenings of all the rest of the Losers. Together, they made their way through most of a bottle of whiskey. Multiple times, Bev highly considered throwing herself at Ben. She knew this was ridiculous and manipulative, but part of her needed to know if anything in him still wanted her. 

It was probably some fucked-up mental association between sex and self-worth (who wonders where that could’ve come from), but she still longed to be treasured by Ben in the way she always had been. 

She refrained, because she knows that if it worked, this could never be the last time. Her therapist had been talking to her about falling back into bad coping mechanisms, and she can only imagine that fucking Ben for the thousanth time was probably one of them.  _ This visit wasn’t meant to be easy _ she reminded herself  _ It’s meant to be closure _ . 

Eventually the clock began to creep slowly through the hours of the early morning. 

“I’m probably going to turn in” Ben said, “If you want the bed, I’ll take the couch-” 

“I’ll take the couch” Bev cut in, “Cat probably wouldn’t appreciate me in the bed, especially given our… history” 

She saw Ben wince. She knew it was a mightily underhanded comment, but whiskey fueled her bitterness, and she couldn’t use orgasms as an outlet this time around. 

“Alright” Ben said, getting up and wobbling slightly before going to a closet and pulling out a couple pillows and blankets. “Here” He said, putting them down on the couch. 

“Thanks.” Bev said, pulling her shoes and coat off, along with her jeans, leaving her in a t-shirt and panties. Ben didn’t look away, but he also didn’t look down. She was a lot more tired than she had realized. She felt Ben run his fingers through her hair once as she closed her eyes. The action seemed to bring her back years to when they first started everything. 

For all the men that had touched her body over the years, Ben was the first and last to touch her so gently that she felt like he could transfer the warmth from his soul into hers. There was a time she could have believed he did, but that time was long gone and she had felt cold for years. 

She laid awake for a while while he went to bed. Everytime she had come by before, she felt like she was coming home to the one place she belonged. This time, however, she felt out of place. Like a ghost haunting a house that she hadn’t lived inside of for years. Maybe more like haunting a person she hadn’t lived inside of for years. 

Eventually, her exhaustion caught up to her, and the crackling of the smoldering coals in the fire lulled her to sleep. She didn’t dream that night, even though she had kind of expected to. 

The next morning, she was awoken by the front door slamming shut. Ben walked in holding coffee cups and bags from the local coffee shop that had been there since she left. She could smell the coffee, and it woke her up a little. 

“Oh hey” he smiled, “I didn’t realize you’d still be asleep” 

He sat down on the arm of the couch, handing her one of the streaming cups. Apparently, he had relit the fire while she had been sleeping, and they both watched it for a while. 

She looked up at him, his face glowing warmly from the fireplace. He didn’t look back. She tried to picture him drinking and laughing with all her LA friends. Maybe slipping a hand up her thigh under the table and definitely making out in the Uber ride home. She pictured him bringing her lunch in the office when she forgot to eat breakfast, with an exasperated smile on his face. 

She tried to picture them waking up together in the chic apartment she’d been renting since she moved out of Tom’s house. She couldn’t picture him in the modern bedroom, but she could almost feel how damn warm the bed would be with him in it next to her. 

“You could come back with me, you know” Bev said quietly, “I’ve been told LA is very inspirational for writers” 

A faint smile tugged at his lips, but left as soon as it had come. “I have to pass. Not much of a beach guy”

“So this is all you fucking want, than?” She spit lowly, “To be some pathetic, glorified wanna-be hick who never lived outside of the town he was goddamn born in?” She cursed herself as soon as she said it. She always had the tendency to be meaner than she wanted to, knowing exactly what would push a person over the edge. It was after a comment like this that Tom smacked her for the first time. 

Ben didn’t respond, only sipping his coffee. She had forgotten that he had known her longer than anyone. He was the only person she could never get a rise out of. When they were together, his immunity to her animosity was a blessing, but now it only served to piss her off.

“I have what I want, Bev,” he said quietly, turning to look at her. “Do you?” 

She opened her mouth, belligerent insults and fictitious certainty on the tip of her tongue. For some reason, though, she just couldn’t say it. She felt tears burn in her eyes as one response cut its way through the webs of defensive lies spinning themselves through her mind. 

“I want  _ you.”  _ She uttered softly

“You don’t know me, Bev” He shook his head, “Not anymore. We’ll always love each other for what we had in the past, but it’s time to admit that that’s exactly what it is. The  _ past.” _

“Yeah” She admitted as tears rolled down her cheeks, “I just have a hard time letting go sometimes” 

“Me too” Ben said with a half-smile, “But I have, and you can too."

“I know” She said, nodding slowly. 

“Keep seeing your therapist Bev, that’s going to be good for you” Ben said, rising and walking into the other room. 

Bev ate her bagel while watching the flames dance in the fireplace. She cycled through all the possibilities in her head. She could run up to Ben and kiss him, tracking down the fiancee and telling her they the two of them made passionate love all night. She could grab a log from the fire, throwing it into the bookcase, burning the house down and ensuring they die together, like Romeo and Juliet. She could move back to Derry without telling him, making sure the rest of his life is haunted by seeing everything he never had. 

In the end she did none of that. She simply put her coat, scarf, and shoes on, walking to the bedroom and seeing him writing something on a computer. 

“Walk me to my car?” She asked. He looked up, nodding with a smile. 

The two made their way out of the door, both looking up at the falling snow. 

“Has it stopped since I got here?” Bev asked with a small smile, “We never get snow in LA”

“Nope” He smiled in return, “‘Tis the season I guess”

“Tis the damn season” She repeated faintly. She didn’t realize how much she had missed the look of everything being covered in snow. The white made everything look more innocent. 

When they finally reached her car, Bev looked at him, unsure of what to say. 

He finally broke the silence. “You gonna be okay to drive?”

“Yeah” She smiled “I’ve driven in worse”

“Thanks for coming by.” He said, “Ironic as it is, this was all weirdly sobering. No more ‘what-ifs’ for you to haunt” 

“Yeah. I was always scared that if I came seeking closure, I’d lose the one thing I could always rely on. I guess it was time to realize I had lost it a long time ago”

He nodded. Wrapping a hand around the back of her neck, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. She squeezed her eyes tightly. 

Bev had always been able to read Ben’s body language better than anyone else’s. For a man that did everything with unmatched romance and passion, this wasn’t one of the thousand exciting, promise-filled kisses they had shared over the years. This kiss was a goodbye, and that hurt worse than anything he had said to her over this past night. 

“Bye Bev” he said softly. Bev swallowed the million things she still wanted to say to him. Eventually she’d come to terms with knowing she’d never be able to tie up all the loose ends between them, but for now it was enough to stop herself from staying any longer. 

“Bye Ben. Thank you” 

She expected her brain to be screaming at her, but instead the two simply shared one last tight hug, and she got in the car. He watched the rearview mirror as she drove away, hoping to catch him looking back, but he didn’t. She watched him enter the house, right as she lost sight of the house all together. 

Turning onto the main road, she didn’t cry. She didn’t consider turning back or crashing her car. Instead she came to the astonishing realization that despite the past 24 hours being some of the most emotionally-draining of her life, she felt warmer than she had in awhile. More complete. 

She relaxed her muscles as she listened to the audio-book on the disc-player. She’d have plenty of time to analyze everything they had said to each other, but for now she focused on savoring the feeling of his lips on her forehead. 

_ I can do this, _ she thought to herself.  _ I can let him go. _

* * *

_Epilogue_

It was a warm day in June when she, Richie, and Eddie were sitting outside at a cute cafe a block away from her apartment. When Richie had realized his latest comedy tour was bringing him to LA, he demanded he and Eddie go to visit their favorite ginger.

It was a fun lunch, full of catching up, stories, and a kind of laughter that was only possible when the three of them were talking shit about other people.  _ God I miss them _ Bev thought. 

Eventually, Eddie was telling her a story about the dog they had recently adopted while Richie scrolled on his phone, 

“I’m telling you Bev this thing is like a little furry demon! He behaves for Richie but when it’s just me home it’s like he’s consciously trying to piss me off! I don’t get it! Personally, I think it’s homophobia-” 

“Dogs cant be homophobic, dumbass” Richie said while still looking at his phone, “Besides, I’m gay too so how would it-”

“Yeah but only half gay!” Eddie insisted, “How else can I explain it!?! There’s no way any self-respecting creature would choose to like  _ you _ over me-”

“Oh shit!” Richie said loudly, getting a few dirty glances from other tables, “Ben finally popped one out! Look, he posted a picture on facebook!” He said, turning the phone to show Bev and Eddie, but Eddie snatched the phone away first. 

“That’s her ex, you moron” Eddie hissed, “She doesn’t want to see pictures of his kid”

“Why not? Are you sayin’ if we broke up you wouldn't want to see pictures of my future kids?” 

Eddie glared at him.

“I mean technically" Richie continued, "they’d be your half-siblings, so you’d have to meet them eventual-”

“Richie if you ever break up with me you aren’t going to live long enough to knock anyone else up. Also don’t worry Bev, the kid’s totally fugly. Super alien lookin’...”

Bev was only half listening. The word ‘ex’ was repeating like a mantra in her mind. It was almost surreal to hear it described as that, considering how intense and long-lasting their relationship was. She even avoided calling him that with her therapist, choosing instead to call him by name only. 

She tested it out a few times in her head.  _ Ex. Ex-boyfriend. My Ex-boyfriend, Ben _ . The more she thought about it, the easier it became. Putting a label on their relationship felt like burying another part of what they had and although it stung, it felt good in a way she couldn’t describe. 

At the end of lunch, they left with plans to go out that evening after Richie’s show. She took a taxi back to her apartment and as soon as she entered the car, she pulled up facebook on her phone. Typing in Ben’s name, she clicked on the profile that was clearly his, immediately confronted with a photo of him smiling a thousand-watt smile and holding a baby. 

She distantly realized Eddie had lied. This kid was cute as hell. Most of her shock, however, came from realizing the kid had red hair that was almost as bright as hers. 

She squinted at the photo, trying to picture herself holding the kid. Sitting on the couch in his farmhouse and bouncing their beautiful ginger child on her knee. Waking up in the middle of the night and breastfeeding this baby. She was satisfied when she couldn’t picture it. 

She scrolled through a few more of his pictures, seeing photos of farm animals, pictures of house renovations, eventually stumbling on a batch of wedding photos. She smiled half-genuinely when she found herself unable to conjure up a reality where it was her standing in a white dress in his rustic barnhouse. His wife looked every bit as overjoyed as he did, and Bev swallowed down the bitterness, choosing instead to focus on how glad she was that he found someone who could love him like that. 

She stopped her frenzied scrolling when she came across an announcement for a book. The cover was a simple green, with cream letters spelling out  _ January Embers.  _ Her heart nearly stopped. The next photo was on the dedication, which read as follows. 

_ Dedicated to the first girl I ever loved, for every sob and every scream and every kiss that I never wanted to end. I never regret a single second I spent burning up in your winter fire.  _

Bev read it at least ten times, making sure she wasn’t misreading a word. She clicked the link that led to his website. She barely hesitated before preordering it. Her curiosity outweighed her fear as to what she might find inside. 

Switching back to facebook, she went all the way back up to the baby photo. Her finger lingered over the button to like the picture, knowing that he’d be able to see if she did. For some reason, the prospect of liking this obvious display of his over-her-ness felt too vulnerable. 

A different part of her brain, a part that sounded like her in eight grade, told her that even after everything he wouldn’t judge her. He wouldn’t manipulate her vulnerability like Tom or her father might. He would probably not even think about it. With this, she liked the photo. She was proud of herself. 

She was even prouder later that night in the club, when she accepted his friend request. For the first time, she felt like she could do ‘ _ friends’ _ . She could see his face and his wife’s face and the face of their adorable ginger baby without wanting to throw up. 

She smiled when she realized that she could let him go like she had hoped she’d be able to while driving on an icy road in the middle of a haunted town in rural Maine, that she now knew she’d never be returning to. 

_ Yeah, _ she thought while she watched Richie laugh a little too hard while watching Eddie try to do a body shot off on one of her girlfriends from work,  _ I have what I want _ . 

**Author's Note:**

> I love this song so much I knew I had to write a fic about it. Also yes Bev is more than a little toxic, but people need to stop writing these characters as if they are perfect. I might write a drarry fic based on Ivy, so if that's of interest please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3  
> -V


End file.
